Mathematical Jokes

Pun-based jokes

There are only 10 types of people in the world — those who understand binary, and those who get laid.

This joke relies on the fact that mathematical expressions, just as expressions in natural languages, may have multiple meanings. When multiple meanings are available, puns are possible. In this case a pun is made using the expression 10. For non-mathematicians or non-computer programmers 10 almost always refers to the number ten. However, in binary, the expression 10 means the decimal number two. Thus the joke says that there are only two kinds of people, those who understand binary, and those who don't. However, those who do not understand binary will certainly not get the joke. This joke is only feasible in written form; when speaking a binary number aloud, "10" would be phrased as "One Zero" or simply "two", rather than "Ten".

A similar joke may be played by asking the question:

If only DEAD people understand hexadecimal, how many people understand hexadecimal?

In this case, DEAD refers to a hexadecimal number (57005), not the state of being no longer alive.

Another pun using different radices, sometimes attributed to computer scientists, asks:

Why do mathematicians think Halloween and Christmas are the same?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

(This one is also often attributed to computer scientists: Real programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas — because dec(25)=oct(31).)

"Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?"

This joke relies on the audience knowing that since the Möbius Strip is a surface with only one "side" (i.e. one "edge"), anyone trying to give the typical answer will realise its impossibility. The answer is sometimes also given as "To get to the same side", with the same rationale.

Stereotypes of mathematicians

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. "How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk. "My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?" "Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street café watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist says, "They must have reproduced." The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty." (+2-3=-1. therefore if one more person enters it will be 0)

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in a psychological test. They sat on one side of a room and waited not knowing what to expect. A door opened on the other side and a naked woman came in the room and stood on the far side. They were then instructed that every time they heard a beep they could move half the remaining distance to the woman. They heard a beep and the engineer jumped up and moved halfway across the room while the mathematician continued to sit, looking disgusted and bored. When the mathematician didn't move after the second beep he was asked why. "Because I know I will never reach the woman." The engineer was asked why he chose to move and replied, "Because I know that very soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!" (The joke hints at the dichotomy paradox.)

A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer. The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out. The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. He admits he saw it. They ask him why the hell he didn't put it out. He replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
"Hmm," says the physicist, "you mean that at least one Scottish sheep is black."
"No," says the mathematician, "all we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, at least one side of which looks black from here!"

A sociologist, a physicist and a mathematician are all given equal amounts of fencing, and are asked to enclose the greatest area. The sociologist pauses for a moment and decides to enclose a square area with his fence. The physicist, realizing he can fence off a greater amount of land with the same amount of fencing, promptly sets his fence in the form of a circle, and smiles. "I'd like to see you beat that!" he says to the mathematician. The mathematician, in response, takes a very small piece of his own fencing, and wraps it around himself, proclaiming, "I define my location to be outside of the fence!"

Three statisticians go duck hunting. Their dog chases out a duck and it starts to fly. The first statistician aims and takes his shot, it misses a foot too high. The second statistician aims and takes his shot, it misses a foot too low. The third statistician says, "We got him!"
The humor there is derived from the fact that the average of the shots hits the duck, and so it is dead.

Non-mathematician's math

A visitor to the Royal Tyrell Museum was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was.
"That skeleton's sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old," the employee replied.
"How can you know it that well?"
"Well, when I started working here, I asked a scientist the exact same question, and he said it was sixty-five million years old – and that was three years, two months and eighteen days ago."
In the above example, the humour is that the employee fails to understand the precision of the age of the fossil.

Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic math. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question; all she has to do is answer, "One third x cubed." She agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself. The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks, "What is the integral of x squared?" The waitress says, "One third x cubed." Then, while walking away, she turns back and says, "Plus a constant!"

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